More Secrets of a Lasting Marriage
Más Secretos de Un Matrimonio Que Ha Durado
by
Mary Hunt Webb
Posted Saturday, July 31, 2021
Many people believe that long-lasting marriages are a thing of the past, but this pair indicates that couples can stay married despite today's chaotic culture. [Photographer: Ibrahim Catal. Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com.]
Earlier this month, my husband and I celebrated yet another wedding anniversary. When young people learn that we've been married more than 50 years, their eyes pop open wide, their jaws drop open, and they invariably ask the same question, "What's your secret?" It's as though they are all reading from the same script because they all ask the same question! From their response, it is clear that they want a 30-second sound byte when it would take a book to give a clear picture.
What they call "secrets" aren't all that secret. It was our faith that brought us together because we met at a church-sponsored event. Many young people have not been brought up attending and participating in church services. Therefore, they are unlikely to meet their future spouses in church or in a faith-based setting. Meeting as we did meant that we had similar values.
That led to us praying together on second date. We feel that is our second "secret" to our long-term marriage because it set the pattern for the rest of our lives. While that first prayer was simply praying before we ate, we have been praying together ever since for many other reasons. Although not everyone that meets in a faith-based setting will establish a habit of praying together, we feel that it is the result of how we met.
A third "secret" of our lasting marriage is that we didn't live together before we married as so many couples do these days. We feel that approach of "try-before-you-buy" resembles treating each other like used cars. Instead, we treated each other with respect right from the start and we continue to do so.
A fourth foundation for our lasting marriage is that while we were engaged, we agreed that we would start tithing right from the beginning. Morris had heard a Sunday School lesson about the benefits of tithing so he called me long distance to ask how I felt about doing so. Since most of our engagement was spent apart with more than 150 miles between us, we agreed over the telephone to tithe. Malachi 3:10 says, "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it." (NIV) As a result of giving ten percent to start, and even more when we were able, we have always had employment and enough to keep us fed and sheltered. We feel that the Lord has blessed us because we tithed right from the start of our marriage.
With the cross on the doors of the church's baptistry behind us, Morris and I were surrounded by our wedding party and the minister that performed our ceremony. [Photographer: Unknown.]
We feel that another reason that our marriage has lasted is that we were married inside a church. Years ago, I read a study that said that couples that were married in a church were several times more likely to still be married decades later than those that were married in a home, a garden, a courthouse or in some other venue. I have tried to find that study but have not been able to do so. However, I did find a study that reported that married couples that attend church services together are less likely to get divorced, more likely to live longer, and less likely to become depressed. That study, entitled "Religion and Health: A Synthesis" was conducted by Tyler J. Vanderweele, a professor of epidemiology at the Harvard School of Public Health.
Sadly, it's been reported that when couples get married, the majority of those ceremonies today take place outside church walls. There may be many reasons for this but it is conjectured that it's because so many young people are not raised with Christianity or religion as a central part of their lives. My husband and I were both reared with the practice of attending church, not just weekly but more often than that. For my part, my family attended church twice on Sunday and again midweek for Wednesday evening prayer meeting while I was growing up. Other events sometimes resulted in a fourth participation at church during the week. My husband usually was in church twice a week.
Something that invariably comes up as a reason we have remained together for so many years is that Morris voluntarily does dishes and laundry. The washing of dishes came about when I cooked a meal for him during our engagement. As a bachelor, he had been eating his own cooking long enough to appreciate the meal I prepared. He said, "If you can cook like this, I can do the dishes!" I didn't think that would last long, but he still does the dishes because he says the hot water keeps his hands flexible. Now that we have a small television in the kitchen, he usually watches some of his favorite programs while he scrubs the pots and pans.
As to the laundry, that came about more than 20 years into our marriage when I was in graduate school pursuing my master's degree. He understood that obtaining my advanced degree meant that I would be better prepared to support us if he became disabled or that I might be able to support myself if he should pass away suddenly. Consequently, he saw my advanced education as something I was doing for us. Therefore, he took over the laundry to help out. This is where he demonstrates 1 Corinthians 13:4, which says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." (NIV) Morris has never been too proud to sort laundry, wash it, dry it, and hang it up. Now that I am writing, he continues to do the laundry in order to give me time to write. Dishes and laundry are ongoing valentines as he continues to show his love for me.
Hosiery dries alongside men's socks as a testament to a continuing marriage. [Photographer: Public Domain Pictures. Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com.]
Something that seldom comes up but that has been essential to our marriage is that we both continue to pursue interests that engage our minds. Morris has been interested in weather since he was a child and worked as a weather forecaster for the federal government until his retirement. He still takes weather observations as part of a network of volunteer observers.
Since we met at the university, he understood that I also had academic interests. We agreed that I would continue my education and graduate after we married. I did graduate but, after our son was born, I stayed home for a few years to rear him. Eventually, I returned to the university to obtain my master's degree. I taught and tutored at our community college for several years before retiring. I still teach as a volunteer but I also teach through my writing.
Are there more "secrets" to our long-term marriage? Of course, but those would require a book. Until an editor and publisher thinks they are worth publishing, they may remain secret.
BIBLE VERSES USED IN THIS POSTING
Malachi 3:10 — "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it." (NIV)
Malaquías 3:10 — Traed todos los diezmos al alfoli y haya alimento en mi casa; y probadme ahora en esto, dice Jehová de los ejércitos, si no os abriré las ventanas de los cielos, y derramaré sobre vosotros bendición hasta que sobreabunde. (Reina-Valera 1960)
1 Corinthians 13:4 — "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." (NIV)
1 Corintios 13:4 — El amor es sufrido, es benigno; el amor no tiene envidia, el amor no es jactancioso, no se envanece. (Reina-Valera 1960)
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." — 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV). [Photographer: Magdiel Lacoquis. Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com.]
